It’s my letter correctly written?
January 20th, 2012
Enrique Martinez asked:
Hello Mr. Xxxxxx
Hello Mr. Xxxxxx
Sorry for my delayed response. Yes, my interest to do my internships at xxxx are still strongly alive! I am studying very hard english and working at my school subjects, and thinking about what to do on my winter vacations, I want to use them for working and take courses to be more prepared for xxxx.
I would like to know what I will do on my stayings to take advantaje of them.
Best regards
Willliam
Categories: Languages | Tags: Hello, Winter Vacations, Xxxx
Steve
If this is a written letter you are sending, start with I am Sorry for my delayed response. Then, are you doing more than ONE internship? If not, then use internship (not ships) at *** is very much alive! Capitalize English. Are you taking more than one vacation in the winter, or is this a break from school? Use vacation (not vacation). Period after vacation. I want to use this time for work and taking more courses at XYZ university to be better prepared for ***.
The last sentence isn’t clear. Are you saying to Mr. Xxxix that you are wondering what you will be doing during your internship so that you can pick better classes and winter break jobs to prepare? If so, be clear about that.
Tammy
Hello Mr. Xxxxxx
Sorry for my delayed response. Yes, my interest to do my internships at xxxx are still strongly alive! (that sentence is correct, but it sounds weird. I would put . “Yes I’m still very enthusiastic about this internship opportunity!) I am studying very hard english and working at my school subjects (wrong. you don’t study very hard english. I would put “I practice my English every day in addition to studying my school subjects. I’m also thinking about spending my winter vacation working and taking courses to be more prepared for xxxx). , and thinking about what to do on my winter vacations, I want to use them for working and take courses to be more prepared for xxxx.
I would like to know what I will do on my stayings to take advantaje of them. (wrong. i don’t understand this sentence. )
Best regards
Melba
Okay, I’ll dissect this letter for you:
Hello Mr. Xxxxxx (This needs a comma “,” after the name. Instead of writing “Hello,” it should be “Dear.” You can actually use either. If the letter is formal, write “Dear.” If it is informal and you are speaking to someone your age who is a friend, use “Hello.” By the sound of your letter, I think you should use “Dear.”)
Sorry for my delayed response. (This should be “I am sorry for my delayed response.” Always include the subject of the sentence in a formal letter. Also indent by using the “tab” key on your computer because it is the first line of a paragraph.)
Yes, my interest to do my internships at xxxx are still strongly alive! (This should be “internship” because you are not doing more than one. In addition, it should be “in completing” rather than “to do.” Use the verb “is” instead of “are.” I think “strongly alive” is fine. So, the sentence would be “Yes, my interest in completing my internship at xxxx is still strongly alive.”)
I am studying very hard english and working at my school subjects, and thinking about what to do on my winter vacations, I want to use them for working and take courses to be more prepared for xxxx. (This is a run-on sentence. It is too long and not correct. To fix it, split it into two separate sentences. The first should be “I am studying English very hard, working on my school subjects, and thinking about what to do on my winter vacation.” I changed “very hard english” to “English very hard” because you did not capitalize English and the word order was incorrect. Also, “at” should be “on.” “Vacations” should be “vacation” because there is only one. This sentence should also be written as a list because you are describing three actions that you are doing: studying, working, and thinking.)
I want to use them for working and take courses to be more prepared for xxxx. (Firstly, “them” should be “this time,” because you should state what you are using specifically. Secondly, “take” should be “taking,” because you used the word working, which also had -ing ending. Also, instead of “to be more prepared,” just write “to prepare myself.” What you originally had doesn’t sound formal, but either option works. This sentence should be “I want to use this time for working and taking courses to prepare myself for xxxx.”
I would like to know what I will do on my stayings to take advantaje of them. (Do not enter a line between this sentence and the rest of the letter. “Stayings” is not a word and should be “visits.” “On” should be “during.” “Advantaje” is spelled “advantage.”)
Best regards (Again, add a comma “,” after this. Then, skip a line and sign your name.) Here is your revised letter:
~~~
Dear Mr. Xxxxxx,
(indent – press “tab”) I am sorry for my delayed response. Yes, my interest in completing my internship at xxxx is still strongly alive! I am studying English very hard, working on my school subjects, and thinking about what to do on my winter vacation. I want to use this time for working and taking courses to prepare myself for xxxx. I would like to know what I will do during my visits to take advantage of them.
Best regards,
(Sign your first and last name here.)
~~~